Sitting Shiva - Know How to Console Your Friends

Every community, country, tribe etc. has its own customs and beliefs during various circumstances. Recently I discovered a community where there is a very warm and affectionate, yet cultural and strict observance of certain customs and rules during mourning. I am talking about the Jewish Community. They have some peculiar trends during mourning. For the family members, there is a peculiar tradition called ‘Sitting Shiva’. It is a week long period of grief and mourning observed by the first seven (note that ‘Shiva’ means seven) relatives of the family such as son, daughter, mother father, brother etc. The grandchildren and grandparents are excluded in this ritual of mourning.

The mourner or halakhic status is immediately taken after the burial of the deceased. During this period of mourning, there are certain rules to be observed strictly by the halakhics. They are supposed to sit on a low chair. They can’t leave the house barring some exceptions. They cannot wear leather shoes, and have to wear a kind of torn outfit throughout. Even laundered clothes are forbidden during this period, nr is the shivas allowed to do any laundry. The Torah or the Five Books of Moses which lays the entire religious ethical and legal texts of Judaism is not to be read during this period; but the laws of shiva, Book of Lamentation, and the Book of Job can surely be read because it bears a relation with the current scenario of the sitting shivas. They can’t bathe for pleasure, but clean their body parts separately in order to maintain hygiene. Talks about the deceased are also limited, and are at the discretion of the shiva. Even business and marital relations are prohibited during this tenure. The shivas are not supposed to cook or prepare food using heat.

During this period, the role of the loved ones, friends, neighbors etc becomes very crucial. They come to visit the sitting shiva, offer condolences, listen to them or remain in silence as per the shivas will. A very important this is bringing food because the shivas are not allowed to cook, thus it is the responsibility and care of the visitors which consoles the shivas in every way. This is when they get the ‘Jewish Sympathy Gifts’. These could be in any form such as Jewish Gift Baskets containing food items such as chocolates, fresh fruits etc.

Remember that these items must be Kosher in nature that is, conforming to the regulations of the Jewish Shiva Tradition. Thus, for instance, in case of confusion so as to which wine you should take so as to reflect your condolences, you could ask for a ‘Kosher Wine Gift Baskets’ at a store.

Go ahead make your message felt and show your care with these Kosher symbols!

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